August 10, 8:44 p.m. The Trail doesn't officially start until Sunday, August 13, but it feels like the beginning to me. We are finished packing and are tying off all the loose ends before we leave for South Bend crispy early tomorrow morning. Now the dread that has been slowly building the past few weeks burns in my stomach.
Throughout training, I'd tell people I was both nervous and excited. It would be foolish and sad to forget just what a unique adventure this will be. Still, currently my fear eclipses any other perspective.
I'm afraid I didn't train as well as I could have.
I'm afraid I've grown too pudgy and soft to have the strength and stamina necessary for the long, hard days ahead.
I'm afraid I'll be too slow, even for the Gold Team (the slower paced group).
I'm afraid training at altitude will not compensate for the humidity we'll encounter in Indiana.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I'm afraid.
Deep breath. Come Sunday, I'll lace on my boots and keep my promise to show up and be open. Monday, I'll do it again. And each day, one day at a time, until I arrive on campus. Somewhere along the way, I pray to also experience wonder, excitement, joy.
Ma, has anybody else done El Camino? I'm sure you'll not only keep up, but you'll probably set the pace!
ReplyDeleteAt least two other people have walked the Camino, but others are marathoners, triathletes, and Iron Men, not to mention serious athletes of other sports. Additionally, many of them are younger.
DeleteI *probably* won't do as awfully as I fear, but until I actually start doing it, making it a known, I'll worry (as your mother is wont to do :-p).
Thanks for the encouragement. Love you! :-x
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